A few months back, something horrible happened.

Ann Aguirre vanished from Twitter without a trace.

Many of you may have heard the Official Government Story. According to the authorities, Ann’s Twitter account was hacked and deleted, thus condemning her to a life without 140 character snippets of conversation. How will she know the newest trending topic? How will she stay up to date on all the hourly life minutia of a gazillion different Twitter users?

I know. Tragic.

I set out to uncover the truth about Ann’s disappearance. Unfortunately, the Moira Rogers duo of Bree and Donna were completely useless, having fallen into the depths of despair over Ann’s unexpected disappearance. Both kept claiming that Ann Aguirre was inexplicably transported to Alabama to hang out with them and party hard. Clearly both had gone mad with grief.

(My attempts to contact Alisha Rai were also fruitless, as she is no longer speaking to me in sentences free of profanity. Vivian Arend claims that Canada was not involved in Ann’s disappearance. Robyn Bachar blamed the elves. Misty Evans put forth her suspicions that rogue KGB elements may have been involved.)

I was forced to set off for Mexico to find out what had happened to the author. Luckily, my Spanish language skills include the words naranja and tequila, so this gringo was all set for south of the border shenanigans.  

What I found shocked me to the core. I have included NEVER BEFORE SEEN VIDEO FOOTAGE of the events of the fateful night when Ann Aguirre disappeared forever.

  

 

 

 

See that folks? Ann Aguirre, abducted by aliens eager to read Razorland, and still she thinks about her readers and Twitter entourage first. That’s love, right there.

Don’t worry. I’m sure Ann will be freed eventually by the Mother Ship when it stops to play some funky music, Close Encounters-style. However, we must soldier on without her on Twitter…

…in fact, I have to go tweet about feeding my cat and follow up with a riveting 140 character rant about what I had for lunch. Carry on!

Technical Details: All art was done in Microsoft Paint for maximum choice of color palette and vibrancy.

The moon shifting position within the frames is not a bug, it’s a feature.

Some may wonder why Ann Aguirre was writing a novel in the middle of a cow pasture while sitting on a milking stool. Alas, since she is no longer on Twitter (perhaps not even in this solar system) she cannot be asked this intriguing question.

Razorland looks pretty damn awesome. It also looks as if some lucky reader could win a copy of it on Goodreads.

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/7137327-razorland

No cows were harmed in the making of this blog post.

Keith Melton's Megalomaniacal Delusions, Keith Uses Paint, Random Junk alien abduction, ann aguirre, humor, Mexico looks like Ohio, Twitter destroys the world

Welcome to Scribbling Ninjas! I’m going to break from my usual interviews with authors to pester Robin K (aka Intense Whisper) who is a digital artist/graphic designer/book reviewer/blogger. From this angle it doesn’t appear that she’s also a Swiss Army Knife, but I may be wrong.

 

Some general background:

Months and months ago she wondered aloud on Twitter whether it might be fun for an author to interview a reader/reviewer/digital artist/Swiss Army Knife instead of vice versa, and I thought it a wonderful idea. So I said I’d do it, then was run over by deadlines, and 8 years later… here we finally are. Not once did she write me to say how procrastination was one of the Secret Seven Deadly Sins…probably because she knew I would’ve put off writing her back.

Her sense of humor gets my 100% Stamp of Awesome Approval. I’ll be linking to a couple posts on her site, so you can click over and read ‘em because they’re good. For example, this one had me laughing hard enough that I scored “Looks” from other people in the general vicinity (and “Looks” mean more attention for me. A win-win situation).

http://intensewhisper.blogspot.com/2010/07/krap-my-kids-say.html

(And yes—that post does contain a wicked awesome drawing of a vampire princess)

Keith Melton: Until I read your blog, I had no idea wizards shared so many traits with cowboys.

http://intensewhisper.blogspot.com/2010/07/10-degrees-of-wizard-cowboy.html

However, I maintain wizards have nothing to do with Santa, who is jolly and rotund, while wizards are irascible—yet lean and mean. Also, Santa’s magic is weak. A lump of coal? That’s the worst of his North Pole Beat Down? Bring it on, SANTA!

So please discuss this highly controversial “Santa/Wizard Theory” of yours.

Robin K aka Intense Whisper: Well, first of all thank you for having me. *privately jumps up and down, fist pumping, while spinning in circles – thank goodness no one knows* So, you can affiliate wizards and cowboys too. Glad someone else can see the parallel. But you dispute Santa’s secret YEHAA!? Get your check boxes ready. He wears a belt. He rides, er… flies horses (they may have antlers though). He is scruffy. Woman love Santa (have you seen the female elves, bunch of merry sluts!?). He smokes after chimney exits. Hence, “burning biscuits”. He has long hair. Lives in a secluded place. Can be seen riding/flying off into the sunset. Feels he is above the law (don’t get me started).

Oh and magic. He squeezes his fat butt down a chimney house after house. Buttons never pop, zippers never squeal and his seams do not tear. Now that IS magic!

Keith Melton Reconsiders: Hmm. I can see some of that. However…since Santa is a night operator, I’m not sure he technically can ride/fly off into the sunset….but moving on!

How did you get involved with digital art? Was it always something you’d been interested in, or did you discover it relatively recently?

Robin K: From the first moment I printed my first tacky digital greeting card in high school I was hooked. I went to three colleges jumping from degree to degree till I found one that kept me behind a computer. After a few unremarkable-pays-the-bills jobs, I became a photography restoration and retouching artist. I have been designing ever since.

Keith Melton: Which is your favorite thing to do? Art? Web Design? Reading? Twitter? Or D)All of the Above?

Robin K, Cover Artist: *blinks to hide marketing glint* Book cover design! Any design that is freelance is the best. Designing plumber business cards is not all that flexible. They do not think digitally placed wrenches are funny. Working with authors is so much more relaxed.

Keith Melton: What? Digitally placed wrenches sound like comedy gold to me!

Next Question. You own your own design business, which is all kinds of awesome. What are some design services you can offer an interested author?

Robin K: *blinks again, more rapidly, to hide marketing glint* Book cover design! I also design and print most types of swag. I include free custom design on bookmarks and business cards. We also offer website design/management. Did I mention I love working with authors!?

Keith Melton: Honestly, who doesn’t enjoy working with authors? Except maybe accountants and mental health professionals…but I digress.

So is there a business site where interested customers can see your work?

Robin K: *gives up trying to hide marketing glint* We do have a business website. We work with customers nationwide and take most orders through email. We just added PO box shipping out of respect for author anonymity. http://www.rldprint.com/

Keith Melton: The Private I interview posts you do with authors are great. How’d you come up with that idea? Too many Noir movies? Do you also have your private investigator license in addition to all the other things you do?

Robin K Super Detective: I just love seeing things from different angles. Most reviews have the same basic info. *whispers: I think some authors cut and paste* I wanted to create something more playful, challenging and really catch reader’s interest. Besides, I get to write cute introductions. I giggle every time I type my acronym (O.F.U.C  – Office of Fictional Unaccounted for Characters). It’s all about imagination.

 

Keith Melton Nostradamus: I see you list 2012 as one of your fears. What do you fear most? Widespread earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes, meteor strikes, locust infestations, your favorite restaurant Taco Villa goes out of business, OR some other as–of-yet unlisted fear?

Robin K Mayan: The end of earth. Seriously, why are we all still working? I think we should have a two year party. Are they making Arks, space ships, is there a secret plan!? Should I be buying more batteries and digging a hole in my basement!? A.K.A., Robin is a hypochondriac.

Keith Melton: You mention a phobia of dentists. Don’t your realize dentists are our friends? Didn’t you see any Happy Teeth cartoons as a kid?

Robin K: *shivers* Perhaps I should clarify to Dental Hygienists. Hygienists will probably be the only ones that survive 2012 (if you get my drift). I had kids. Two. The nurses and doctors ASK if you have pain. You can even give it a number. Hygienists do no such thing. They scrape, probe… oh, I cannot go on!

Keith Melton: You mentioned Diana Gabaldon and the Outlander series as one of your favorites. Those are some very good books. So how long after reading them did you speak with a Scottish accent? (I freely admit it took me a week and a half to stop saying “verra” and talking about haggis)

Robin K: LOL. Aye, they are phenomenally bonnie books! To this day I randomly break into accents when I get excited or angry. The accents are not always Scottish though.

Keith Melton: Here’s a link where you can see Robin build one of her Fantasy designs from the ground up: 

http://intensewhisper.blogspot.com/2009/12/artwork-process.html

Keith Melton: What book series are you currently reading? Name some of your favorite authors (any genre).

Robin K: I am reading two books right now. The Host by Stephanie Meyer. Oy, have you seen the SIZE of it!? I am also reading Whisper of a Witch by Suza Kates.

A few favorite authors are: Lara Adrian, MaryJanice Davidson, Kate Elliott, Sherrilyn Kenyon, Sharie Kohler, Kelly Meding, Cheyenne McCray, Karen Marie Moning, Denise Robbins, Lynsay Sands, J.R. Ward, Elizabeth Haydon and many more.

Keith Melton: I hear you’re attending the Authors After Dark conference? Will this be your first con? You excited?

Robin K: Not only is it my first conference, but it is my first anything. I married young and have been home ever since. With 2012 coming, I decided to live *winks*. I am incredibly excited and nervous. Think I need to get a face tattoo to match my networking avatar?

Keith Melton: Face tattoos are really in vogue right now, so my answer is YES.

You mentioned in your blog that your husband works with you in your design business. You also said this: “Will I freak out, jump across my desk and strangle him within a week?”

The week is over. Is he still okay or what? Do you work from prison, or are you on the run, blogging from an undisclosed location in Mexico?

If in fact he’s still alive, must he wear body armor to work every day? What happens if he misses a Status Meeting?

Robin K: He still breathes. It is refreshing to hear someone take his side. Most of his family was warning him to be nice. Apparently I hide my evil well. We cannot see each other over all our monitors so there is a lot of hand gesturing. We also IM each other instead of talking. Far more civil.

Keith Melton: Here are some examples of photos* Robin has worked photoshop magic upon.

The first image is of author Nicole Peeler. Quite awesome. If you look closely at the one on the left, Nicole’s eyes totally follow you around the room….almost as if she’s gonna turn into a Selkie and rip your face off.

Or maybe I’m just projecting again…

The next is a picture of Kindlevixen, who–as far as I can tell–spends all her time reading, writing book reviews, and running amok on Twitter. This is what she looks like when she’s not a zombie. (Yes, the blue is a design element, but she really does have yellow eyes.)

And finally, this is Heather aka Book Obsessed Girl, who is an extremely awesome person and reviewer.

So you can see, Robin is quite creative, and I love her designs. She has instructions on her blog for contacting her about getting your photo all pimped out like crazy.

And on with the interview questions! 

Keith Melton: You mentioned living in the upper Midwest U.S.A. Tell me how close this is to paradise for you. A heavenly winter wonderland? Snow angels and hot chocolate?

Robin K: I detest Minnesota. I really do. I am allergic to the sun. Every spring I rash. I burn in the winter too, from the snow glare. Last year I embarrassed my husband while mowing during a drought by yelling (loudly – I had head phones on), “It is like mowing in the F’in desert.” I really want to move. I would love to move to Seattle with clouds and rain. *sighs*

Keith’s Lazy Question: What did you always want to be asked about in an interview that you’ve never been asked before? Feel free to answer that question here.

Robin K’s Question: Has your life ever flashed before your eyes?

Robin K’s Answer: Yes it has. I was walking down steps into a cave in South Dakota at my husband’s request during a vacation. The steps were damp, narrow, steep, and very slippery. With metal texture for grip or perhaps sanding off flesh. As if this is not scary enough, the handrail is small, metal and also very wet. Now, horror of all horrors, add a very large woman in a too-long dress behind me on the steps. She is wearing wee little shoes and almost walking on her dress with each precarious step. All I could think was, “If she falls I am dead.” Needless to say, I will never set foot into a cave again.

Keith’s Rapid Fire Questions:

1.) Favorite musical artists and/or genres of music? 

Robin K: Eclectic

2.) Food you hate most? (If it’s not Jell-O, skip this question and/or lie.)

Robin K: Beer (is that food?)

Keith Melton: Of course beer is food! It’s really all you need for a healthy, happy diet! (Aside: It seems Robin’s Dietician Skill Set might be the only one she needs to work on…)

3.) Would you rather go to outer space or deep under the ocean?

Robin K: Ocean or either to escape 2012

4) What would be your ideal vacation?

Robin K: A quiet one with waves, reading and shade.

Keith’s Last Question: The Future of Publishing From A Reader’s POV—does it look bright, or does it come to an end alongside everything else in 2012?

Robin K: I cannot imagine a world without print. *snort* I would be out of work. Is it feasible for children to read everything on screen? Is it healthy? I know I am not buying my children eReaders. For myself, I have not yet read anything while plugged in. Not that I never will but I still prefer my paper. I do believe that magazines and newspapers may have seen their last days, but not books. Please not my books!

Keith Melton: Thanks again to Robin for joining us at Scribbling Ninjas!

What Keith Learned Section:

1. Robin K is a professional spelunker.

2. She will not be drinking beer at the Authors After Dark conference.

3. Her husband is still alive and well despite rumors to the contrary.

4. Minnesota is one short step down from Paradise on Earth. Also, a disproportionate number of people interviewed on this site hail from Minnesota (possibly because it is that great).

5. Robin has strange ideas about Santa Claus and his smoking habit. She also feels Santa is a Vigilante Menace to Society.

6. She really enjoys designing book covers.

7. Hell is packed full of Dental Hygienists. This happened when Satan outsourced all fiery torture to people with picks and scrapers, allowing him to lay off all the demons who were attempting to unionize.

Links:

BLOG: http://intensewhisper.blogspot.com/

PROFESSIONAL WEBSITE: http://www.rldprint.com/

TWITTER: http://twitter.com/intensewhisper

*images are under copyright

Keith Melton Interviews People, Keith Uses Paint Digital Designer, dragons, Intense Whisper, Interview, Keith Melton Paints, Santa is a vigilante menace to society, swiss army knife

In the past, some of you have wondered why I have no problem tangling with people of ill-repute such as Alisha Rai and Bree of Moira Rogers and yet I never say anything bad about the Donna half of the Moira Rogers writing duo.

(Aside: I should also add the pertinent fact that–according to the Internet and Bree–Donna hates lizards and cucumbers. Not poisonous snakes, rusty bear traps, the super flu, or enraged moose like the rest of us fear. Nope. Lizards and cucumbers…)

 

 

That’s a straight up Public Service Announcement. Now you know…and knowing is half the battle.

…

…

…and the other half of the battle concerns guns, artillery, rolling armor but that’s another post.

Disclaimer: Recently I mentioned I was the nicest person in the world, but that was a lie. Donna may be the nicest–she saves wild pigs from the wild, takes her kids to Cracker Barrel any time, day or night or tornadoes.

Despite the fact that I actually drew her with a knife, to my knowledge she has never stabbed or threatened to stab anyone. She’s good people.

Just don’t annoy her or she’ll kill your face off.

Keith Uses Paint, Keith's Rules, Writer Stuff Donna loves lizards, Donna of Moira Rogers, guacamole, Keith Melton Paints, kill this tag, scary

Bree of Moira Rogers is feeling under the weather–yet, like a cyborg or crazed marathon runner she continues to write. That’s dedication, my friends. So please join me, Alisha, and Donna in sending Get Well Soon wishes.

…

Because I can’t find the heart to destroy her when she’s not feeling well.

You hear me, Bree? Feel better ASAP so I can get back to mercilessly attacking you on the Internet.

Keith Uses Paint crazed marathon runner, kill this tag

I could’ve sworn I was all caught up and rolling easy, but I couldn’t shake this feeling…

So, thanks to the true randomness of random.org, Courtney S. has won an ebook copy of Darkness At Dawn by Devin Harnois! And I was only a few days late announcing it–though I was under two weeks, which means I don’t have to pay any late fees.

However, I do understand this might tarnish my aura of Steely Competence, so I’ve included a picture of a Giant Squid playing the violin to distract you from my completely and utterly insignificant failure.

These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.

Carry on.

Bad Paint, Epic Contests, Keith Uses Paint Giant Squid on the Violin, Keith Melton Paints, noobsauce

Not A Constructive Way To Deal With Criticism:

 

 

 

 

Yep. Well adjusted, that’s me.

…

 

DISCLAIMER: I assume this is obvious, but Just In Case someone actually believes I will feed other people to zombies and/or giant squids for supplying criticism, valid or not, I assure you this is not the case. I don’t have a license to own zombies and I don’t have a place big enough to store a giant squid. I’m actually a Very Nice Person who never does anything bad. Ever. And my imaginary friends are even nicer, if that’s possible. So rest easy.

Bad Paint, Keith Melton's Megalomaniacal Delusions, Keith Uses Paint, Random Junk evil face of evil, Giant attack squid, humor, joy, Keith Melton is well adjusted, Keith Melton Paints, Zombies

CONTEST INFO: Devin Harnois will give one eBook copy of Darkness At Dawn to a random commentor. Just comment to win! ENDS July 12th, 2010.

Keith Melton: Thanks for being a trooper and agreeing to the interview, Devin. I know we have a shady reputation here at the Scribbling Ninjas and we don’t get invited to the Cool People Parties (this is most likely my fault). However, as a consolation prize I drew this picture of you in MS paint:

Devin Harnois: I don’t get invited to those either. Maybe we can throw Not-Cool People Parties (make sure there is rum and Rock Band).

Keith Melton: Congrats on your release. Tell us a little about where the idea for Darkness at Dawn came from.

Devin Harnois: Too many survival horror video games and a very strange dream. The forbidden desire, the military aspect, the monsters, the importance of sunrise – all that came from my dream. I was able to build a coherent storyline around those elements and viola, Darkness at Dawn.

Keith “Doesn’t Work For Umbrella Corp” Melton: Oh, survival horror…I love thee with such vast depths of affection it may even equal the near exponential infection rate of a zombie apocalypse. But moving on…

One thing I enjoyed about Darkness at Dawnwas the incredible tension between Everson and Jennifer. There’s desire, a building connection, but still a lingering undercurrent of threat, which kept me on the edge of my seat, wanting things to work out, afraid they wouldn’t. Talk about how evil you are for pulling this off.

Devin Harnois: Terribly, horribly evil. Diabolical, even.

Keith Melton: Actually, I was hoping you’d say either Destroyed-the-Internet-Evil or Clown Evil, but perhaps you should save those goals for your next book.

So tell us a little about a few writers who’ve influenced you as a writer.

Devin Harnois: First of all, Stephen King. If you haven’t read his On Writing, you should. His style is very down to earth, and he doesn’t try to impress you with big words. Neil Gaiman is also a huge influence. Subject wise, he’s a better influence since he tends to write dark fantasy. My writing is more dark fantasy/urban fantasy than straight horror.

Keith Melton: Vampires. Should they sparkle? Should they only sparkle if they’ve fallen through a skylight into a blender filled with glitter?

Devin Harnois: Vampires should only sparkle if they’re covered in glitter so they can lure Twilight fans and eat them.

Editor’s Note: Scribbling Ninjas has No Official Stance on Sparkling in Regards to Vampires, and does not wish to offend Twilight fans at the risk of provoking angry mobs, torches, and assorted chaos and squealing.

Keith Melton: Do you have a full length novel in the works? Will it be in the same world as Darkness at Dawn or will it be something entirely new?

Devin Harnois: I have more than one novel in the works. I’m editing one and writing another that is getting too long to be a novella. Both are in entirely new worlds.

Keith Melton: You’ve recently come down on the side of werewolves in the wolves versus vampires war instigated by Bree of Moira Rogers infamy. (http://moirarogers.com/blog/archives/2261)

Do you really think the fur can take the fang, or were you just factoring in the Thompson submachine gun the werewolf bootlegger was packing?

Devin Harnois: The guns and booze certainly did help, but in most match ups I’ll pick werewolf over vampire. Vampires are still cool, just not AS cool as werewolves. (With individual exceptions like Karl Vance. I’d put money on him over just about anybody.)

Keith Melton: Karl thanks you, but he puts his money on The Count from Sesame Street, who can shoot lightning and laughs maniacally while doing so. Back to the interview…

Do you listen to music while you write, or do you need silence?

Devin Harnois: I love listening to music while I write. Most of the time it’s rock, but I mix in some variety like Motown, swing or even classical.

Keith Melton: You’ve stated you’re a plot pantser. Has this ever led to roadblocks and frustration, or do the stories always flow naturally when you write?

Devin Harnois: It has led to frustration, but I’ve learned to walk away from the story for a few minutes or even a few days while I figure out what happens next. I trust myself to push through.

Keith Melton: How did you survive knowing Bree the Lunatic Fringe on the Moira Rogers Tablecloth for so many years? She’s already threatened to kill me on three separate occasions.

Devin Harnois: She hasn’t threatened to kill me … yet. We have similar tastes and we’re both a little weird, so I think that helps. If she threatens you again, try distracting her with pictures of hot guys.

Keith Melton: Hmm. Pictures of hot guys OR giant spiders who are also samurai? I know which one I choose.

 

Moving on… Do you have any inspiring words for new authors trying to break into the market?

Devin Harnois: Keep writing. You might not sell your first story, or your second or your fifteenth. But if you keep writing and working on improving your craft, you will eventually get published.

Keith Melton: In regards to your writing, do you find plot more important to you or character development? Or some mixture/ratio of both?

Devin Harnois: They’re both essential. Plot and character feed on each other, one causing reactions in the other. I find character to be a bit more important, though. A strong main character keeps me writing even when I have doubts about where the story is going.

Keith Melton: Do you have a favorite breed of supernatural beastie?

Devin Harnois: Werewolves, for sure. I’ve always had a fascination with them.

Keith Melton: Actually, going back and re-reading my question I misread it as: “…favorite breed of supernatural BEETLE” which I suspect would’ve been the Best Question Ever. Alas, for missed opportunities.

Anyway—the first story you ever wrote…what was it about? (And you can’t say, “A murder committed with garden tools” because that’s mine.)

Devin Harnois: Ok, time for a lame admission. My first story was about a mouse who fell in love and got married during a parade. In my defense, I was in second grade. That was a cute phase that I quickly got over. The same year, I made a stop motion movie of Godzilla attacking a city, so I’m not completely lame.

Keith Melton: Werewolves of London or Werewolves of France?

Devin Harnois: London! I watch An American Werewolf in London about once a year.

Keith’s Lazy Question: What did you always want to be asked about in an interview that you’ve never been asked before? Feel free to answer that question here.

Devin Harnois: This is my first interview, so the field is wide open. Hmmm … how many skull shirts do you own? At last count, eight. If I had less self control, it would easily be twice that.

Keith’s Rapid Fire Questions:

1.) Favorite musical artists and/or genres of music?

Devin Harnois: My favorite bands are Disturbed, old Metallica, Matchbox Twenty and Three Days Grace. I love hard rock, but I also love early rock ‘n roll and swing.

2.) Food you hate most? (If it’s not Jell-O, skip this question.)

Devin Harnois: Chipotle – the pepper, not the restaurant. It taints everything it touches. Why do you hate Jell-O so much?

Keith Melton: It’s not that I hate Jello so much as I want to kill it all out of existence.

3.) Would you rather go to outer space or deep under the ocean or the local minute market?

Devin Harnois: Outer space, but only if it’s pretend outer space where I can ride around in Serenity or the Millennium Falcon.

Keith Melton: The Future of Publishing—does it look bright, or does it come to an end alongside everything else in 2012?

Devin Harnois: If the A-bomb/swine flu/zombie apocalypse doesn’t get us, I think publishing has a bright future. It will have to keep adapting to technology and the way readers read, and I think the smart publishers will not only survive, but thrive.

Keith Melton: I like the cover art for Darkness at Dawn (and not merely because there is female skin…well, okay, that always helps). I think it really captures the post-apocalyptic feel and makes it sexy. Discuss how right I am here:

Devin Harnois: You’re very right! Kanaxa is a very talented cover artist, and when I saw what she did for Darkness at Dawn I did a happy dance. The beautiful woman, the background, the color – all of it is fantastic!

Keith Melton: When are you going to give a writing credit to your co-author, Vito the Velociraptor? From this picture it’s clear he does most of the typing, which all authors know is 94% of the hard work of writing (the other 6% is dedicated boozing).

Devin Harnois: He’s only the assistant. He just does the manual labor while I do the hard work of thinking. Besides, that was Take Your Velociraptor to Work Day, and I was being nice by letting him come to my day job. He got to stare at a different screen and type on a different keyboard. Yay for variety!

Keith “I Can Quit Any Time” Melton: Should coffee be banned as an illegal mind-altering substance?

Devin Harnois: I don’t know if I should even dignify that with a response. Mountain Dew is my caffeine delivery form of choice, but I do enjoy coffee a few times a week. Without caffeine, I might be mistaken for a zombie and shot by zombie hunters. Also, I would get much less writing done.

Keith Melton: By the way, Bree says Code Red is Diet Pepsi Max’s official bitch. What’s your reply to this outrageous claim?

Devin Harnois: What? Anything with the word “diet” in it is automatically everything else’s bitch!

Keith Melton: Are villains or heroes/heroines easier for you to write?

Devin Harnois: Villains can be more fun, but the easiest thing for me to write is a hero with a streak of bad. Someone with a good heart and a bit of darkness fires my imagination.

Keith Melton: You have a cat named Buffy. How tempted were you to buy another kitten and name it Willow?

Devin Harnois: I haven’t thought of it, but it does sound terribly cute. Buffy earned her name when she was a brave hellion kitten, unafraid of my family’s older cats. Now she’s lazy and fat (still cute, though).

Keith Potborski Melton: I’ve heard you were a Hell’s Angel until about two years ago. True…or Just Wish It Were?

Devin Harnois: LOL! I’m way too lame to be a Hell’s Angel. But I will gladly use them as security for when I become a rock star.

Keith Melton: If I remember right, Hell’s Angel Security always ends badly…but moving on.

Rumor has it you live in Minnesota. I hear it’s cold. …And that’s about all I know about it, other than everybody in the state lives in Minneapolis-St. Paul. Take a moment and talk about home.

Devin Harnois: Yes, it’s cold in the winter. It also gets disgustingly hot in the summer. I might complain, but I do like having all four seasons. Minneapolis is a good city, with lots of parks and bike trails and a strong art and music community. St.Paul is a strange place with streets that make no sense.

Keith Melton: You still writin’ about demons? If not WHY NOT?

Devin Harnois: I am! I took a break to edit another book, but the demons are back, and now there’s war in Hell!

Keith Melton: Thanks again for agree to talk with us today, Devin.

Devin Harnois: Thanks for inviting me. The Scribbling Ninjas are the awesomest, funniest people.

~*~

 Darkness at Dawnis out at Samhain! Check it out for post-apocalyptic crunchy goodness.

“Darkness at Dawn” by Devin Harnois

Genre: Urban Fantasy, Romantic SciFi-Futuristic

ISBN: 978-1-60928-065-9

Length: Short Story

Price: 2.50

Publication Date: June 29, 2010

Cover art by Kanaxa

Letting her live was bad enough. Wanting her is much worse.

Richard Everson has seen too many people die, killed by the nightmare creatures that have overrun the world. Every night he leaves the protection of the walled city to hunt the nasties alone. He likes his job. Maybe a little too much.

By day, Jennifer lives in her human skin. By night, the wolf takes over, a legacy forced upon her by the nasties who made her one of them. Everson is a tenuous link to what’s left of the human world. Despite the danger to them both, she hungers for his touch.

Each encounter sends the heat spiraling higher, until it burns away all control. And Richard realizes too late his heart has crossed a line punishable by death…

Warning: This book contains strong language, nightmarish creatures, a violence-loving hero, a very naked woman, werewolves, forbidden desire, and post-apocalyptic monster-killing mayhem.

BUY LINK: http://www.mybookstoreandmore.com/darkness-dawn-p-5937.html

EXCERPT: http://samhainpublishing.com/excerpt/darkness-at-dawn

http://devinharnois.com/

~*~

 

Leave a Comment to Win! Ends July 12th, 2010

(Velociraptor picture is copyright Devin Harnois 2010)

Keith Melton Interviews People, Keith Uses Paint Dark Fantasy, Devin Harnois, I use many tags, Keith Interviews, Spider Samurai, Survival Horror, Urban Fantasy, Werewolves

First off, I regret things have come to this point. I really do.

 But after Bree of Moira Rogers fame posted on her blog a wildly unscientific poll: http://moirarogers.com/blog/archives/2570 and then said on Twitter that her poll was 8000X (eight THOUSAND TIMES) more scientific than Keith Melton, I had to reply.

So I release to the public this picture of Bree and a Giant Spider.

 

Now clearly the spider is harmless.  I mean, his legs aren’t even all the same length and he has a heart on his belly like a CareBear arachnid. But Bree so hates spiders she’s throwing down with a Browning Automatic Rifle in the spider’s grill when he just wants a hug. A hug.

Seems like an Epic Battle to me. (Although, in real life, Bree may be more prone to scream and run from spiders and let her husband shoot them instead).

Sorry, Bree. Had to do it. Especially after you called me out for making comments about the validity of sparkly vampires.

This stunning artwork was done in Microsoft Paint, the gutter program and laughing stock of all real digital artists. I made up Bree’s hairstyle because I couldn’t find a picture without her wearing a tiara.) I included the rifle just because I like to draw guns. And spiders. But tiaras…not so much.

Keith Melton

Bad Paint, Keith Destroys Bree Again, Keith Uses Paint, Random Junk Giant Love Spiders, M1918 Browning Automatic Rifle, Revenge

All right. Gloves off. Time to lay down some facts.

Recently Alisha Rai has called me out, repeatedly, in various public forums (and I think she even rented a billboard in Illinois) to rub my face in the fact she has FOUR books out with Samhain and I have only two.

“So what?” you say. “I only come to this blog to win stuff from Bree. I don’t care about your stupid vampires and your colossal ego and your Pre-school level artwork OR your pathetic jealousy about Alisha Rai’s Book Factory.”

(It hurts when you say that, by the way, but moving on…) Let me just include a picture to illustrate my point.

 

That’s an actual quote from her, just so you know.

Now it’s not that I feel any envy at her prolific writing ways, not at all. The truth is, Alisha Rai is planning on TAKING OVER SAMHAIN PUBLISHING AND USING IT TO RULE THE WORLD.

That is journalistic fact, right there. How she will accomplish this? I’m a little fuzzy on the maniacal details of her insidious plans. However, I’m sure it will positively swarm with various degrees of Evil and Malice.

So to pay her back for all her sniping at me, for all her mocking and derision, I’m going to leak the plot of her next book here on Scribbling Ninjas.

Veiled Debauchery by Alisha Rai

Viscount Richard, a notorious rake, has traveled to New York to wallow in the frenetic nightlife when he sees Tasha, a practicing Buddhist monk and part-time Go-Go dancer at one of the city’s most popular clubs. Richard, a rogue down to his socks, immediately sets out to make her his. Tasha is unimpressed by his profligate ways and sends him packing. Richard, a scandalous knave with a noble heart, pursues her with the singular determination of the rich, famous and fabulously lazy. When Richard buys the club and gives her an ultimatum: Go on a hot date with him or be fired, Tasha must decide whether to follow the path of love or stab Richard in the face with a salad fork.

Warning: Smoking-hot blistering hide-the-sausage-shenanigans in a kitchen, in a closet, on a dance stage, references to food, and a few scenes of gratuitous tongue-wrestling and illegal use of a fire hose.

So there, Alisha. The smackdown, I’ve brought it with a bow.

(Oh, and for any rabid Alisha Rai fans out there, Veiled Debauchery is compeltely made up by me so you won’t be able to find it, alas. But you can ask her to write it anyway.)

Alisha v. Keith, Bad Paint, Keith Uses Paint Keith Melton Wins Again, vampires defeat viscounts

Yeah, I know, I know. It took long enough.

First off, we have two winners  of the Sanctuary Unbound ARC. AE Rought with her poem Lumberjack of the Undead and Danielle Yockman with her tale of a vampire named Gray.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!!!!

Anna Shah Hoque and Elaine R win $5 MBaM (My Bookstore and More) gift cards for participating!

Please send an email to bree AT moirarogers DOT com (replacing AT with @ etc etc) to collect. Why did it take so long to announce winners? Well, let me just break down our judging process.

Keith: AE Rought’s was nice and dirty. And she fought off the desire to include soul patches. Points for that.

Alisha: I know! It’s the best one yet! I love love love love love it! I want to die and come back as her! This is the one I pick!

Vivian: Oh Canada! Our home and native land! O Canada we stand on guard for thee.

Keith: Next up is Elaine R. Her Not Safe For Work image doesn’t come through for me. All I get is a picture that says “Image Hosted by Tripod.” Maybe it was censored by Little Old Church Ladies protecting us from the debased Internet. 

Alisha: I couldn’t see it either but it was most definitely my favoritest EVER! I canNOT even tell you how much it made me want to have lumberjack babies. I love love love LOVE IT! This is the one I pick!

Vivian: Ô Canada! Terre de nos aïeux. Protégera nos foyers et nos droits.

Keith: Yeah, Viv. We get it, eh? You’re Canadian. You have lumberjacks living next door. And, just like maple syrup, you’re all around sweetastic up North. Back to the contest.

Next up we have Danielle Yockman. She submitted T-shirts, Facebook pages, and a dirty limerick. Speaking of which, are there ANY limericks that aren’t dirty?

Alisha: OMG! I love love love love love loooooved this one the best so far. Tramps and vamps. I LMAO-ed so hard I fell off my chair and sprained my appendix. This is totally the one I pick!

Vivian: Now sing it in Inuktitut!  Uu Kanata! nangmini nunavut! Piqujatii nalattiaqpavut. Uu Kanata, salagijauquna!
 
Keith: … … So anyway… Last up we have Anna Shah Hoque, who went with a tried and true classic. Monty Python. Enough said.

Alisha: I think I might even love this one the best, because when I love something, I love love love a classic something more than a new something . You know I’m not fickle like that. Old School for me, yay! This one is my favoritest of favorite favorites. I pick this one!

Vivian: Canadian lumberjacks only! Don’t accept any poseurs! Go with the Real Thing! Sing with me! O Canada! Where pines and maples grow.  Great prairies spread and lordly rivers flow…

~

So you see, judging contests here is not quite as simple as it might first seem. Congratz to the winners.

Epic Contests Vampire Lumberjack Winners