Mari Fee is a trooper. It seems like years ago that I lured her into doing an interview for the Scribbling Ninjas blog. She (unsuspecting and innocent) said yes. We did the interview—see below. I (unsuspecting and innocent) asked her what she wanted for her MS Paint artwork. Oh nothing much, she assured me. Just a steampunk octopus fighting bears with archeology tools while wearing boots on an airship…

Yeah. Not exactly simple.

It took me forever to finish drawing this. I kept pushing it back. I’d work on it a little, get frustrated because it sucked, and tried to pretend it didn’t exist. Tried to pretend Mari Fee didn’t exist. Suffered guilt. Couldn’t sleep. Starting drinking. I mean, starting drinking more. Life became exceedingly busy. I had edits to do. I had to shave my cat. I had to buy a barbeque. And THEN assemble it. It was easy to put off drawing that thrice-accursed airship. The airship that mocks me, even now, with its uninspired mediocrity, cementing in my mind forever the fact that I will always be a substandard MS Paint artist, and even angry bears cannot save the entire work from reeking of the banal.

 

But aside from that, everything’s peachy. Please read on and enjoy the interview with the wonderful Mari Fee. Info on her novella follows the interview. And you should seriously consider picking it up, because it’s good stuff.

 

Anyway, here’s the art. Don’t judge me. I’ve done that enough for the both of us.

(It’s a bit huge. Too large for this template. I’d click to see it in better detail.)

And here is a closer shot of the octopus and bears. Just because.

Keith Melton: (loaded question alert!) First off, why steampunk?

Mari Fee: Why not steampunk? Do you have something against it? :( Steampunk likes you, you know.

Keith: I have nothing against it. Steampunk and me—we go waaaay back. At least six months. Which is 10,000,000 times my usual attention span. So anyway, will you be writing more steampunk? What do we have to look forward to?

Mari Fee: I have plans for a steampunk-archaeology mash-up in Egypt, with airships and archaeologists and hieroglyphics and possibly mules. It’s not quite ready to start writing yet, though. But when it is, it will be glorious.

Keith: Do you own custom goggles? (I was going to ask about corsets, but I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I know how uncomfortable I get when people ask about my custom corsets…)

Mari Fee: My fiancé courted me by buying me a pair of mass produced welder’s goggles from a gas station. <3 As for custom corsets, I’m rather envious that you have one and I don’t. So is the fiancé.

Keith: When did you start reading steampunk? Do you remember your first contact with the genre?

Mari Fee: Oddly enough, I do! About 10 years ago I picked up this totally rad book by Martha Wells called Death of the Necromancer, and it turned out to be a pseudo-Victorian fantasy mystery adventure with dead fairies and pistols and explosions. TOTALLY AWESOME.

Other than that, I grew up with a well-thumbed copy of Journey to the Centre of the Earth and the complete Sherlock Holmes. Gotta have the basics.

Keith: Did you light something on fire when you received your Bluebeard’s Machine contract offer?

Mari Fee: No, although my fiancé did offer to buy fireworks. Basically anything is an excuse for fireworks.

Keith: You tend to write shorter stories, by your own admission. Do you have any plans to go novel length?

Mari Fee: Lots of words is scary! I’m having to retrain my brain to think in longer plots – my first instinct is tight and tidy stories. Chips and beer help sustain the imagination when the going gets tough – so yes, I’m currently attempting something novel length. So far it’s longer than Bluebeard’s Machine, which I count as a win.

Read more…

Keith Melton Interviews People, Keith Uses Paint, Wicked Awesome angry bears, Bluebeard's Machine, Mari Fee, steampunk, steampunk octopus

The turkey’s been eaten, your black eye’s healing from that deceptively angelic looking grandma beating your ass for the last Zhu Zhu pet on Black Friday, and your Christmas tree is bright and shiny in your living room. It’s officially holiday time!

In the big city, nothing says holidays quite like elaborately dressed department store windows. A few weeks ago, I came across this awesome one:

I wish I could have snagged a better shot of the whole giant thing so you could truly appreciate it. This is the conversation I imagine would take place upon seeing this window:

Girl: Mommy, mommy, it’s Barbie and Ken!
Mom: Wow, you’re right it is! It’s…huh.
Girl: What?
Mom: (tilting head) Um. Nothing.

See, despite the sheer brilliance in creating this ode to childhood (and holy cow, hats off to you, nameless decorator), something was bugging me about it. I just couldn’t put my finger on it. I passed it about ten more times, noticing something new each time that made me, with my warped imagination, smile.

And the following entirely fictional, adults only conversation resulted.

Barbie: …can you believe she had the nerve to say that to my face? And after all I did for Skipper, practically raising her as my own all these years. Working as a pediatrician so she’d have free healthcare. That stint as a vet so she could have horse riding lessons. Spending ’85 in that horrid peaches and cream ball gown so the Peach Mafia out of Savannah would leave us be. All those littlest pet shop creatures I let her keep. That thankless little biotch.

Barbie: And the worst part of it all is that Midge took her side! I was the bridesmaid in her wedding, and she couldn’t even stick up for me. You know what I think? I think she’s jealous. Brunettes just aren’t as popular as us blonde dolls. Don’t you agree, Snookie Wookie?

Barbie: Ken? Don’t you agree?

Ken: You really want to know what I think?
Barbie: Of course, snookums.
Ken: No you don’t. You never want to know what I think.
Barbie: Ken! Whatever gave you such an idea…
Ken: You! You gave me that idea! Of course I believe you don’t have any friends! I can barely stand to look at you!
Barbie: (gasps) How dare you?
Ken: How dare I what? How dare I finally open my mouth after decades of living amongst your insanity?
Barbie: I don’t even know what you’re talking about.
Ken: You don’t, huh? Why don’t we start with your deep seated narcissism? I could forgive the pictures of yourself everywhere. But honest to God, that chandelier…

Barbie: What’s wrong with it?
Ken: Are you shittin’ me, B? The way those dolls are hanging down like that…

Ken: Sometimes, when I’m walking under it, I feel a little shoe thump me on the head. It’s like they’re silently screaming for help.
Barbie: Oh pooh! Just because I like to decorate–
Ken: And what about the tree, B?
Barbie: …
Ken: Where are the ornaments?
Barbie: (mumbles)
Ken: What? I couldn’t hear you. Where are the fucking ornaments?
Barbie: On the ground.

Ken: That’s right. And why are they on the ground? I’ll tell you why. Because you had to rip them down before I came home to put up your decorations.

Ken: I mean, look at the way their arms are reaching out for mercy. Have you no pity, woman?
Barbie: I…I can’t help it, Ken. I just like to look at myself.
Ken: Then why did you stab that picture of yourself in the face???

Ken: That is some messed up shit right there.
Barbie: (sobbing on her knees amidst broken glass ornaments) I’m so sorry, Ken. So, so sorry. But to be fair, you’re the one who flaunts pictures of your mistress everywhere.

Ken: My…seriously? Fucking seriously? Barbie, that’s a picture of yourself from the 70′s in black face. I told you when you put it up that it was deeply offensive.
Barbie: Oh. Really?
Ken: I’m calling your psychiatrist. First though…
Barbie: You want to kiss me and carry me off to live in the Waikiki Dream Mansion?
Ken: No. I want to tell you that I hate the color pink.
Barbie: Fuck you. Fuck you and your hairless chesticles.
Ken: Come on. Pink socks? You may as well strip my manhood away completely.

Barbie: I don’t think it was the pink that stripped your manhood away, you bastard.
Ken: …Oh. Oh no you didn’t. No you di-n’t just throw that in my face.
Barbie: It’s been in my face for years, Flat-Crotch.
Ken: You know I can’t help what the manufacturers didn’t give me! That does it. I’m going to see you committed if it’s the last thing I do. (Picks up phone)
Barbie: (withdraws pink revolver from her pink clutch) Darling?

::single gunshot::

Barbie: (crooning to dolls in chandelier) You’ll never leave me, will you my pretties? You like pink. You like us. Never, ever leave…
Ken: That’s a toy gun from your stint as a cowgirl, B.
Barbie: Son of a bitch!

Fin.

Alisha Runs Amok, Awesomesauce, Random Junk Alisha Loves Her Camera, Alisha Runs Amok Abroad, Barbie Love, Parody

As you may or may not know, I’m currently on an extended visit to the U.K. I’m absolutely adoring it. The only downside is the time difference and the effect it has on my ability to connect with my friends. I used to be an hour ahead of Bree and Donna…now I’m six! And I won’t even get started on the eight hours separating me and my buddies on the west coast. Really, their cheekiness in living further away from me astounds me.

So I was feeling pretty homesick when I wandered into a bookstore off Fleet Street and discovered something wonderful. No, no, not a demon barber. Even better!

And who’s in the Mammoth Book of Paranormal Romance 2, alongside Lara Adrian, Nathalie Gray (a.k.a. the awesome cover artist Kanaxa), Ann Aguirre, S.J. Day and more?

Squee! It’s Bree and Donna! Why, it’s practically like they’re here with me…

*Insert Flashback Sound Effect Which I Am Not Techy Enough To Actually Produce Even After Spending an Hour Attempting It*

First, our day starts out with a traditional British breakfast.

Don’t forget your umbrella, mate. London weather is unpredictable!

Ah, yes, and we’re off. There are so many things to see in London. Like…

What, ho, Trafalgar Square!

I say, Marble Arch! (This is near the Tyburn Gallows. Moira likes stuff like that)

Chuffed to see Big Ben!

Museums as far as me eye can see, luv!

This…chap dressed like a knight!

And of course, no trip to London would be complete without a ride in a double decker bus, eh Moira?

You have to sit on the top level to get the best view:

Wow, Moira, this has been an awesome day. My feet are…whoa. Hey. Where did you get that badger? I don’t think…OMG. Put it away, Rogers. For the love of pete, put it away before…

NOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOoooooo!

Blimey. Well, it was fun while it lasted. At least bobbies look adorable, yes?

While I bail out my friends, you should check out The Mammoth Book of Paranormal Romance 2, now available in the U.K. and the U.S.! It’s a solid anthology, filled with some very good authors.

As a side note, if you’re wondering how many funny looks I got as I took pictures with a book with a naked winged man on it, the answer is: none. The British, bless their hearts, are far too polite to stare bug-eyed, even at the crazy American in their midst.

Alisha Runs Amok, Awesomesauce, Book Release, Books, London Alisha Loves Her Camera, alisha rai, Alisha Runs Amok Abroad, ann aguirre, Moira Love, Moira Rogers, nathalie gray

Once upon a time I was interviewed by the notorious Meankitty, “owned” by author Jody Wallace. Now the hour for payback is upon us! Also, ’tis the hour of bad Microsoft Paint pictures of Jody Wallace and Meankitty laying out some hardcore smackdown on a bunch of flesh-eating gnomes…

 

Keith Melton: So we meet again, Meankitty. Alas, this time it is I who holds the microphone and the pictures of your wild catnip crazed nights in Vegas. So let’s just cut to the chase. Interview subjects. Which do you prefer? Humans, dogs, cats, or piranhas?

Meankitty: Cats. No contest. Sometimes dogs try to get uppity with me and I have to bring out the claw. Speaking of uppity, and hippity hoppity, we’re about to interview a rabbit. That should be interesting.

KM: That would make a good title for your autobiography, actually. “Meankitty: Bringing Out The Claw.”

And I’ve heard rumors of this upcoming rabbit interview. Apparently the bunny in question claims to be a servant of the Prince of Darkness. Who knew?

But moving on…please take a moment and list the indignities and day-to-day humiliations you suffer as a result of being owned by a human with a writing career. Don’t hold back. Let it all out. Is that a tear I see? I sense some large-scale pathos on the way…

Meankitty: Just five minutes ago, I saw her pushing Big D out of the way because the LAPTOP was in her lap. This happens far too often. In fact, I have no need to be in her lap until the LAPTOP makes an appearance. Or when she’s sick to her stomach or suffering from some kind of hot flash. Then I like to press my sultry, furry self up against her and make things worse. Oh, and sometimes when I have cold feet. As for the rest, she hired Food Slave (the man human) to tend our culinary and litterbox needs so we’re okay there. I say “hired” but I think the humans call it “married”. I don’t try to argue semantics with the fur challenged.

KM: Probably wise. Our five dedicated readers would like to know: Do you chase mice…or do mice chase you?

Meankitty: No mice have the ability to chase in this house. We run a clean operation. As for other mice, see below.

KM: Cat toys? Blissful objects of feline joy, or crass plastic exploitation manufactured in China?

Meankitty: It depends on the toy. I’m particularly fond of small fake mice and any precious small objects that are not exactly cat toys but which the mini humans love. Either way, they ALL go under the couch and stove. I also like to bat food crumbs under there. I was solely responsible for the Great Weevil Infestation of 2009. Meeeee-ow, was that ever hilarious! Freaking-out humans are laughtastic.

KM: I recently read a rumor (which may have been started by a certain demonic bunny) that you lick yourself. Truth or Libel?

Meankitty: Of course I do. I’m delicious!

KM: That may actually qualify as the Best Answer Ever To An Inappropriate Question.

So are you as “mean” as your title implies? Or are you just tragically misunderstood?

Meankitty: Yes and no.

KM: Ah, scintillating. I’m curious. What’s the question you’ve always wanted to ask but have never been asked because you’re a cat, and people generally don’t ask cats about their opinions? Feel free to answer that question here.

Meankitty: The answer is, “Because they’re pink inside.” HAHAHAHAHA! Am I right or am I right?

KM: Do you fear the coming Typing Slave Revolution? Do you ever bite the hand that feeds? LOL Cats, love ‘em or hate ‘em? And lastly, do you sing?

Meankitty: Typing Slave’s only revolution is when she gave up coffee for tea. The woman is not the revolution type. Most cat staff aren’t. We select them that way carefully.

No, I don’t bite the hand that feeds me. That’s a beginner’s tactic. Sometimes Big D does but he’s dumber than I am.

LOL Cats are spelling challenged. But they sure make a lot more money than we do. I would love to make that kind of money, but I would not love to have that many ads on my website or do that much work. Could there BE more sites in the Cheezburger network? I mean, seriously. Sure the contributors and commenters provide most of the entertainment, but still.

No, I do not sing. I am more of a dancer.

KM: Okay, our sincere thanks to Meankitty for allowing us into the exciting world of Cats on the Internet. Now we turn to interview Meankitty’s professional cat wrangler and author, Jody Wallace, aka Ellie Marvel, aka MK’s Typing Slave. First question: do you feel a compulsive need to correct grammar errors? Is this a consequence of your time spent as a college English instructor?

Jody Wallace: I restrain myself more than I used to since I don’t get paid to do it anymore but the urge burns inside me like the yearning for coffee after several months of caffeine free tea.

KM: You have creepy pictures of gnomes on your website. Do these gnomes exist in your general vicinity? And how can you walk through your yard in peace knowing there are creepy gnomes peeking at you?

Jody Wallace: Gnomes do exist everywhere, but my yard is protected. I invested in gnome-pel, I have Meankitty, and I know for a fact the gnome statues I own will not reanimate in the presence of magic. In fact, like the statues Jake’s grandfather Pap creates (from Survival of the Fairest), they ward off the REALLY dangerous creatures of the paranormal underworld.

Question for readers: is your yard protected? Are you prepared? One thing to beware of is the tiny, buzzing grrrrrrrrr gnomes make right before the attack. Another is the gleam in their eyes that can be mistaken as harmless dewdrops or some shit like that. Plus they smell like carrion. You catch a whiff of that? Don’t look around for the roadkill, just run.

KM: Well, I know I’m prepared. I wear chainmail socks and I installed strands of electrified razor wire around the flowerbeds…

Follow up question: will the world ever learn the truth about gnomes? Forget the zombies, what about the Gnome Apocalypse?

http://blog.jodywallace.com/2010/04/snippet-saturday-eerie-and-scary.html

Jody Wallace: It’s not like I’m not putting the information out there. What the world chooses to do with it–like ignore me totally–is their mistake. If you don’t want to be on the losing side, watch your back, and invest in some high quality waders.

KM: Tell us about your newest book release.

Jody Wallace: I assume you mean something currently on the shelves. Alas, I can’t remember that far back. Ok, I had a contemporary romance come out in December 2009 as Ellie Marvel called “What She Deserves” — a high school reunion story with insufficient cats or gnomes. But people seem to like it. I hope that’s not a reflection of how much they don’t like cats and gnomes.

KM: I realize that Survival of the Fairest has flesh-eating gnomes (which should make it an auto-buy for any reader of this blog), but do you ever plan on writing a romance about gnomes? I’m sure they have some stories to tell…

Aside to our readers

(You can find Survival of the Fairest and other Jody Wallace books here: http://samhainpublishing.com/authors/jody-wallace )

Jody Wallace: Gnomes don’t reproduce in a way that human readers would consider romantic, considering it involves turning to stone, shattering themselves into pieces and waiting for those pieces to reform into baby gnomes, aka skitters. That’s why, during a gnome infestation, you really have to stomp the bits into dust. Can’t have heads and limbs rolling around intact. They will literally come back to bite you in the ass.

With that in mind, I’d have to say their potential as romance novel protagonists is limited. Hm. Maybe children’s stories, you think?

KM: Honestly, I had NO IDEA about the details of gnome reproduction. Fascinating…and yet entirely disturbing.

But on with our questions!

Do you prefer to work from tight outlines or are you a pantser?

Jody Wallace: I like my pants. Sometimes they get set on fire. By the HOTNESS, of course.

KM: That only happens to me when I’m running the barbeque.

Moving on…

So, what are your favorite types of stories? Any favorite themes or tropes or character archetypes?

Jody Wallace: Reworked fairy tales are a joy. Favorite themes would be best friends who become better friends, HUBBA HUBBA, women who can rescue themselves but let the men help so they’ll feel manly, men who realize women can rescue themselves but go ahead and help so she won’t be too exhausted afterwards to have sex, and apocalyptic stuff that isn’t entirely bleak. Well, to be honest, I’m not drawn to anything that’s bleak. Except the publishing industry, and opinions on that are wildly varied.

KM: You crochet, which I’m told is completely different from knitting, sewing, or pottery. You also crochet some extremely awesome things. Here’s an example:

And some more can be found here:

http://blog.jodywallace.com/2009/03/happy-st-patricks-day.html

http://blog.jodywallace.com/2010/08/skip-your-coffee-for-good-cause.html

Do you work from a pattern? Do you create these designs on your own? Do you sell these things?

Jody Wallace: I work mostly from patterns. I’m actually not very good. I mess up a lot and try to send my stuff to people who don’t crochet themselves; that way they won’t notice my lack of skillz. I do not sell anything for money. I prefer other kinds of payment. Praise, adoration, back scratching, free meals, that sort of thing. 

Keith’s Lazy Question: What did you always want to be asked about in an interview that you’ve never been asked before? Feel free to answer that question here.

Jody Wallace: Yes, thanks! I’ll take it in cash.

Keith’s Rapid Fire Questions:

1.) Favorite musical artists and/or genres of music?

Jody Wallace: Faves are funk, trip hop, speed garage, some industrial, bluegrass, anything by They Might Be Giants except that one album, 80’s music because of the painful nostalgia, and Irish punk.

2.) Food you hate most? (If it’s not Jell-O, skip this question and/or lie.)

Jody Wallace: Jell-O with LIVER and bits of SOUSE MEAT in it. Not even Meankitty will eat souse meat.

KM: I had to look up souse meat…and I may never be the same. Souse meat is a substance that should be purged from the earth with FIRE!

FIRE, I SAY!

::pant, pant, pant::

Okay, on with the interview before I have to start the hard drinking to forget about souse meat…

3.) Would you rather go to outer space or deep under the ocean?

Jody Wallace: Deep under the ocean. Outer space is dicey since I’m still in hiding after that incident on Baranax Prime in Galactic Year 298744. Oh, wait, that’s a lie. The true answer is neither. I get sea and air sick too easily.

4) What would be your ideal vacation?

Jody Wallace: I think I just took it. DH and I went to Yellowstone with a gnome, a writer friend, her husband and no kids. I love my children, I really do, but I don’t think they’d have enjoyed Yellowstone at their ages. Too much waiting, not enough places to swim without getting boiled or frozen.

Another ideal part was I didn’t have to worry about the kids (or cats) because my sister stayed at our house with them. Bless her! I got to hear a lot of funny stories about how Meankitty tormented “Nanny Slave” in our absence. MK broke out the one paw, the midnight howl, the crazed bug chase and even invented a few new maneuvers. That Meankitty!

KM: What are you looking forward to the most in the coming year, career wise and life-in-general?

Jody Wallace: I have a novel due out with Samhain in February or March 2011 called One Thousand Kisses, the sequel to Survival of the Fairest. It’s full of cats and a few gnomes. Meankitty made me do it. I’m in edits right now, cutting 16,000 precious words you will NEVER get to SEE that are probably the best things I’ve ever written in my life. No, that’s the hick lit novel nobody wanted to buy. But these 16,000 words are damn good ones.

I’m also looking forward to August 2011 when my youngest starts kindergarten. FREEEEEEEEEEDOMMMMMMMM! Only, I don’t think I’ll paint my face blue or get myself stabbed with a sword.

KM: I believe the general idea is to paint your face blue and stab other people with a sword, but who’s keeping track, right? ^_^

Thanks again to Jody Wallace and Meankitty for taking the time to join us today. Jody can be found on Twitter:

http://twitter.com/jodywallace

Jody’s books can be found here:

http://www.jodywallace.com/fiction1.htm

and Ellie Marvel’s books can be found here:

http://www.jodywallace.com/fiction2.htm

The notorious Meankitty and various amusing Meankitty interviews can be found here:

http://blog.jodywallace.com/

Drop by. Say hello. But whatever you do, don’t taunt Meankitty with anchovies…

Keith Melton Interviews People, Keith Uses Paint, Wicked Awesome, Writer Stuff flesh-eating gnomes, Jody Wallace, Meankitty

C’mon. You know you feel this way too when you get the whale…

It can’t just be me.

…

Right?

o_O

Bad Paint, Keith Uses Paint, Random Junk, Wicked Awesome bombs, Fail Whale, kill this tag

Awesomesauce, Bad Paint, Keith Uses Paint, Random Junk Chainsaw Unicorn, Keith Melton Paints

This happened to me the other day. True story. I was minding my own business, rockin my hardcore writer swagger, when a (possibly psychotic) chainsaw unicorn attacked me with no provocation. I say “possibly psychotic” because it’s hard to evaluate the typical mental stateof a unicorn with a wonking chainsaw sticking out of its forehead.

It was pretty much exactly like The Texas Chainsaw Massacreonly with unicorns that fart rainbows, have chainsaws instead of horns, and get pissed if you tell them they’re only the result of delirium tremens.

…

…

And yeah, I’m just killin time, waiting until my next book release. That obvious, is it?

I should also mention on a more serious and dignified note that I’ve been interviewed over at the Reading on the Dark Side blog. The link is here: http://readingonthedarkside.blogspot.com/2010/09/interview-keith-melton.html

In the interview I briefly talk about two of my books coming out in 2011.

Keith Melton's Megalomaniacal Delusions, Keith Uses Paint, Wicked Awesome Chainsaw Unicorns, Keith Melton

This is Alisha Rai.

This is Keith Melton.
…
I’m sorry, Jordan Knight of New Kids On The Block, otherwise known as NKOTB—that’s an awesome rat-tail—do you mind moving so I can take a picture of Keith? Thanks!

This is Keith Melton.

This is Sasha Knight. Sasha Knight is the superhero who edits Keith and Alisha. This is not always easy.

Keith likes to turn household objects into verbs.

And then, Karl Vance cherrypitted his ladylove while she palmolived his…

Alisha can get very excited!!!

Sasha! Sasha! Sasha! OMG! OMG!

Poor Sasha.

But, wait! Sasha is editing an exciting new anthology for Samhain. She’s put out a call for Cyberpunk novellas.

“What’s cyberpunk?”

“Alisha, I’m so glad you asked that. Cyberpunk is—“

“Wait! Can we change that to…’I’m so glad you asked that!’”

“No.”

“But—“

“No. Cyberpunk is a genre that usually concerns the future, a future where society has broken down but science and technology has thrived.”

Alisha is still confused. So she calls her friends down in Alabama, Bree and Donna of Moira Rogers fame.

“Donna, get this, Sasha has a new cyberpunk anthology coming out!”

“No way, Bree, post-industrial dystopia is one of my favorite things to write! We should submit something, because we do have that 2011 goal of taking over all genres that end in the word ‘punk.’”

“Hmmm, I don’t know, we do have those eight projects that will be published one a day next week.”

“But there are only seven days in a week.”

“Samhain built an eighth day just for us, to release our pre-pre-pre-pre-prequel to the Red Rock series, ‘Sanctuary: The Mesozoic Age’. But I guess I could move some stuff around and we can crank out a critically acclaimed, best-selling novella before brunch.”

“Great! While you were talking, I drew up some detailed character histories.”

“Way to go, Donna! Here, I put together a chart tracking our key demographic and projected sales.”

Alas, Bree and Donna were of no help to Alisha.

“Sigh. I’m still confused about this whole cyberpunk thing.”

“Oh Alisha. Just think, The Matrix. You know, where society is all scary and destroyed and barren but people are plugged into computers and can do all sorts of high tech, unbelievable stuff.”

“Ohhhh. Like a blurring of the lines between reality and virtual reality! Excellent example, Vivian Arend. Um. Why are you dressed like a mermaid?”

“Because my new water shifter ménage releases this week. You can read more about it here.”

“Wow, Viv. That’s the most shameless plug I’ve seen in a while.”

“Yeah. Kay, bye!”

“I think I understand what cyberpunk is now, Sasha! Is there anything else I need to know about the anthology?”

“Well, any heat level is fine, but the finished novella must fall between 25,000 to 30,000 words.”

“What if the author goes too short or too long?”

“THEN I WILL SMITE THEM DOWN!”

“Oh, my.”

“Ahem. I mean, they just won’t be considered. Anyway, you can find out more about cyberpunk at this wikipedia page. Er, unless Keith Melton gets to it first and changes it to say that cyberpunk is an animatronic Fonzie.”

*Guilty*

“I think this is going to be a great anthology.”

“You know, Sasha, I think that’s the proper place for an exclamation point—”

“No.”

…

“Can we do splits then?”

“Oh, very well.”

And so they all did splits.

The End.

For more information on Sasha Knight’s cyberpunk anthology, go to the Samhain website and be sure to follow our editing ninja on Twitter.

Notes from the creative director:
1) Sasha may or may not be Shera, Princess of Power, but she is pretty damn awesome, like whoa.
2) Vivian Arend is a lovely mermaid, but she’s a better writer.
3) Donna is not a redhead, but Kim Possible captures her spirit.
4) Bree stole my top.
5) Keith Melton is a total diva when he’s modeling.
6) Yes. Alisha kept her dolls action figures, from the eighties. Stop judging!

Alisha Runs Amok, Alisha v. Keith, Awesomesauce, Book Release, Editors!, Writer Stuff Alisha Plays with Dolls, Cyberpunk is the new black, Editing ninja, I love Sasha, Keith is a Monkey who destroys tags for no reason

I was going to use today to crush Keith Melton like the enemy he is, but I was reminded that love should come before war, and I love Alisha Rai. (This week.)

In honor of her latest print release, I am pleased to present to you the sister act (minus nuns) to my LOLcat Reviews:

THE ILLUSTRATED BLURB!

Want a chance to read Cabin Fever by Alisha Rai? Leave a comment telling her how TOTALLY AWESOME she is, and I’ll pick one winner next week to get a print copy of this latest Scribbling Ninja release!

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This has been a busy busy month for the Ninjacredible (Websters: Ninjacredible (adj.): a Ninja with mad writing skillz) writing team of Moira Rogers. Samhain is being kind enough to give one of their books away for FREE (more on that later) right on the heels of their latest release Sanctuary Unbound, perfect for the discerning reader who is sick of vampires who dress in black satin and live in a crumbling castle. The hero, Adam, is a VAMPIRE LUMBERJACK. Y’all know y’all wanna read about a vampire in flannel. Yeah, I just channeled Southern Donna there. Where are my grits!

Er, the book.

That’s obviously not the cover. Oh, but FLANNEL. I likes flannel. Oh, here it is:

No. No. That’s not it either. That looks like the graphic for the infamous contest Bree and Donna ran on their blog (they are always giving stuff away, those crazy kids). That’s…that’s a nice back on that lumberjack. And that erection log he’s carrying ain’t bad either.

What were we talking about? BLAST YOU BREE! Stop creating sexy shiny images. You know the shiny is all it takes to distract me . Okay, here’s the real cover, with an equally sexy Adam nom noming his lady’s neck.

New England is ideal for vampire Adam Dubois. His cozy home in the Great North Woods reminds him of a happier time when werewolves and witches were stuff of legends, and he was a simple lumberjack.

Hiding from past failures has worked for over eighty years, but a life debt owed to the Red Rock alpha has forced him to leave his retreat–and come face to face with a woman who challenges and tempts him on every level.

Hiding secrets is a lonely business, and Cindy Shepherd is lonely with a capital L. Red Rock isn’t exactly crawling with available men, but her interest in the mystery-shrouded new vampire in town seems mutual. After all, it’s only sex–there’s no danger he’ll dig deep enough to unleash the demons of her past.

Casual flirtation turns deadly serious when Adam discovers that the vampire plaguing Red Rock is using his mistakes as a road map. When it comes to his life, he knows Cindy has his back. But in order to secure the future, they both must trust each other with more–even if it means sacrificing themselves to save everything they hold dear.

OMG, what happens next? Well, I know. You should read and find out. Then we can form the cool kids club.

As they say on the infomercials, though, BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE. Because, for a limited time, the very first book of the Red Rock Pass series, Cry Sanctuary, is free for download at Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

Best part? You don’t need a Kindle or a Nook to read these freebies. Kindle has free downloads to read Kindle books pretty much on any device ever created, including your computer.

So no excuses now, right? Go give Cry Sanctuary a try for free, and then work your way up this awesome series to Sanctuary Unbound. I am mad jealous of those of you who are just starting these books…so many hours of reading fun!

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