As you may or may not know, I’m currently on an extended visit to the U.K. I’m absolutely adoring it. The only downside is the time difference and the effect it has on my ability to connect with my friends. I used to be an hour ahead of Bree and Donna…now I’m six! And I won’t even get started on the eight hours separating me and my buddies on the west coast. Really, their cheekiness in living further away from me astounds me.
So I was feeling pretty homesick when I wandered into a bookstore off Fleet Street and discovered something wonderful. No, no, not a demon barber. Even better!
And who’s in the Mammoth Book of Paranormal Romance 2, alongside Lara Adrian, Nathalie Gray (a.k.a. the awesome cover artist Kanaxa), Ann Aguirre, S.J. Day and more?
Squee! It’s Bree and Donna! Why, it’s practically like they’re here with me…
*Insert Flashback Sound Effect Which I Am Not Techy Enough To Actually Produce Even After Spending an Hour Attempting It*
First, our day starts out with a traditional British breakfast.
Don’t forget your umbrella, mate. London weather is unpredictable!
Ah, yes, and we’re off. There are so many things to see in London. Like…
What, ho, Trafalgar Square!
I say, Marble Arch! (This is near the Tyburn Gallows. Moira likes stuff like that)
Chuffed to see Big Ben!
Museums as far as me eye can see, luv!
This…chap dressed like a knight!
And of course, no trip to London would be complete without a ride in a double decker bus, eh Moira?
You have to sit on the top level to get the best view:
Wow, Moira, this has been an awesome day. My feet are…whoa. Hey. Where did you get that badger? I don’t think…OMG. Put it away, Rogers. For the love of pete, put it away before…
NOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOoooooo!
Blimey. Well, it was fun while it lasted. At least bobbies look adorable, yes?
While I bail out my friends, you should check out The Mammoth Book of Paranormal Romance 2, now available in the U.K. and the U.S.! It’s a solid anthology, filled with some very good authors.
As a side note, if you’re wondering how many funny looks I got as I took pictures with a book with a naked winged man on it, the answer is: none. The British, bless their hearts, are far too polite to stare bug-eyed, even at the crazy American in their midst.
Leave a comment here to enter to win your choice of Moira Roger’s Samhain digital titles! Contest closes Sunday, Oct. 17th.
It’s Donna’s birthday today, hooray! Now, Donna isn’t just Kim Possible and a homicidal maniac. She has so many other wonderful qualities, and so, for her birthday, Keith and I have put together an illustrated pictorial of some of the things that make Donna awesome…in true internetz fashion, via LOLCats.
Alisha: She’s an excellent mother.
Keith: A ninja mother!
Alisha: That goes without saying. She’s also has a great sense of humor and can induce milk-through-nose snortage with just a one liner.
Keith: I heard that once, she killed a man by making him laugh to death. Then she used his limbs to tickle people and start the cycle of laughter and death all over again!
Alisha: What? Melton, you must stop your lies! This is for Donna’s birthday, remember.
Keith: Oh, yeah.
Alisha: It’s your turn.
Keith: Well, she’s an integral part of Moira Rogers. Not only is she a great writer, but she does an awesome job on the edits that turn their books into gold.
Alisha: Oh, good point!
Alisha: Um. That caption seems a little…
Keith: What?
Alisha: Never mind. She’s a warm and loving friend, who always has time for a chat and an ear to let you vent.
Keith: Except when she’s singlehandedly destroying Asian cities!
Alisha:…I’m going to ignore you.
Keith: Probably a good plan.
Alisha: Donna also has great taste in men. See here.
Keith: And cats.
Alisha: That’s a monkey.
Keith: Thats what she wants you to think.
Alisha: Sigh. I tried. Happy Birthday Donna!
Keith: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Keith: Wait, wait, wait! I drew a picture. It has Flying Robot Monkey Sharks! Which is what the rest of the Scribbling Ninjas decided to buy Donna this year because she already owns a tractor.
Leave a comment here to enter to win your choice of Moira Roger’s Samhain digital titles! Also, don’t forget to go to the Moira Rogers blog and wish Donna a Happy Birthday there for more chances to win books.
Hey all! Just a quick note that the Ninjas, Vivian Arend and Devin Harnois will be celebrating our latest releases with nonsensical babbling and giveaways at the Samhain Cafe Yahoo Group today from 3-7 est. Not a member yet? Go join and meet us there!
This is a Ninjatastic week. (Websters: Ninjatastic (adj.): a description of unthinkable excitement relating to Scribbling Ninjas, Ninjas in general, or llamas.)
Not only is my birthday this weekend–and Keith, I’d appreciate a nice bow on top of your notarized statement retracting all insults toward me–but 3/4 of the Ninjas are celebrating a release!
I am certain fate had a hand in this crazy random happenstance because my Veiled Seduction and Moira Roger’s Sanctuary Unbound share more than just a release date. They also feature DIKS.
Dirty In Kitchen Sex.
That’s not too surprising though. I mean, really, is there any place in the house sexier than the kitchen? I mean, just try to tell me you don’t see it…
Taking 6 wieners at once = srs business.
That kettle is totes waiting his turn.
WHAT? What. I didn’t even say anything!
Of course, I won’t even mention the faucets. I mean, it’s impossible for a gleaming, curved, strong, hard faucet NOT to be sexy…AHHHHHH!
OMGWTFBBQ, that thing isn’t coming anywhere near my cherries!
Sorry, sorry, didn’t mean to judge. Maybe I’m not exotic enough for that dude.
In any case, if you still aren’t convinced of the awesome sexiness of a kitchen?
Teabagging. Heh.
There you have it folks. Now don’t you want to read about dirty vampire lumberjacks and sexy cops and their spatulas of lurv? Yeah. I thought so.
Our June release, Sanctuary Unbound, is an action-packed romance with drama and battles and the occasional decapitation, but I admit that even decapitation isn’t quite as much fun as talking about this other little thing it has…
A vampire lumberjack.
Oh yeah. Sure he drinks blood, but he also wears flannel, loves axes and lives in a cabin in the Great North Woods of Maine. He’s a lumberjack! (And he’s okay.)
My favorite part about this are the vampire lumberjack jokes. So today I’m offering up ARCs in hopes someone will give me some awesome Vampire Lumberjack jokes to keep me laughing! I will accept entries in the form of:
Dirty limericks like:
There once was a vampire named Adam
Who knew lots of hookers and madams
He was supposed to cut lumber
And never got any slumber
Because all of those hookers, he had’em
Any other amusing thing relating to vampires, lumberjacks or vampire lumberjacks.
Of course, it wouldn’t be nearly so much fun if I judged this contest myself. That’s why I’ve enlisted a crack team of celebrity guest judges. If you want an ARC, you’re going to have to make Keith Melton, Alisha Rai or Vivian Arend giggle. Not easy, check out what badasses these three are:
So put on your thinking caps (or flex your google fingers) and start posting links. Or jokes.
(Oh, and if you’re wondering what the book is about, check out the Samhain website.)
Ladies and Gentlemen, Scribbling Ninjas is pleased to present our very first author interview with the funny and talented Mary Hughes. With absolutely no help whatsoever from the terminally lazy Alisha Rai, I (Keith Melton) have collected a bunch of the dumbest questions I could come up with to torment and/or annoy Mary, whom I’ve long suspected may actually be a vampire flautist.
To illustrate the point, I’ve included a picture of her complete with fangs and her instrument of choice raised in Evil Triumph (pay no attention to the relative proportions of flute to body length…if flutes aren’t that long in real life they should be).
So anyway, Mary Hughes has a great sense of humor and her characters crack me up. Her Biting Love series has now stretched to four books with the release of Biting Me Softly on April 20th. The books are spicy hot paranormal romances, fortified with both humor and vampires and plenty of really racy things that made a wet-behind-the-ears innocent like me blush.
BEHOLD, THE INTERVIEW:
Keith: Tell your fans: will you stay with vampires and the Biting Love series?
Mary Hughes: Like an RPG game, I can’t give up ‘til I finish the boss monster.
(Keith le Interview Editor Says: Let me just break in here and say that anybody who mentions boss monsters in an interview automatically wins. Far as I’m concerned, we can all go read her book safe in the knowledge that she is awesome.)
Keith: How’s the newest book coming along?
Mary Hughes: Oh, I’m glad you asked—kind of like I’m glad I got the chicken pox mid-thirties.
My work in progress is tentatively titled Biting the Rainbow and it’s groundbreaking for me. See, usually I start with main characters and their problems and fumble around for a plot. It’s a process that produces a first draft in about three months.
But for this book the Plot Fairy dinged me with her wand and whammo! I had the whole plot mapped out in advance. And it is an amazing, fantastic, incredible plot. Best I’ve ever done.
So I thought I’d have a draft in a month, maybe two—how hard can fleshing out such a wondrous plot be? Practically writes itself, yeah?
Never ever think “how hard can it be”.
Four months later I’m just hitting my stride. I finally wrote the climax a couple days ago but <rant> I won’t be able to do anything more on it because of release-week mania and a sadistic concert coming up with Rhapsody on a Theme by Paganini and more notes in my part than electrons circling ununoctium. </rant>
However. My business training has taught me to look at this not as a problem but as <grits teeth> An Opportunity.
(Keith le Interview Editor Says: Hmm. The onlything business training ever taught me was if you show up late for the meeting, all the good donuts are gone.)
Keith: You say you live in the American Midwest. Honestly, I wasn’t aware there was anything between the two coasts except cows and tornadoes and maybe some Waffle Houses in Texas (although Texas might qualify as southmidwest…). Has the Midwest shaped who you are as a writer?
Mary Hughes: First let me correct your misconceptions. Texas also has 7-Elevens.
The Midwest was actually a warm inland sea during the Cretaceous period (144-66 million years ago). Think thousands of prehistoric Royal Caribbean Cruise ships. Yeah, we were the vacation location, baby.
We’re not all about corn and cows and red state-iness. There are pockets of radical thinking in the Midwest, like Madison, Wisconsin and Kent, Ohio. Places of hot contention. We call them Hot Pockets. (ba-dum-bum)
Has the Midwest influenced me? Sure. I know more about football, camping and how to drive on snow than I want to. And my stories are set in Meiers Corners, a distillation of every small Midwest town I’ve known and loved: close-knit, quirky, lovable and guaranteed to drive you insane.
Keith: I watched the book trailer for Biting Me Softly—which can be seen here:
First question: So how did you know I love the cello? Your husband played that? Feel free to tell us how awesome he is.
Mary Hughes: I’ll tell you that Gregg’s pretty damned awesome. But don’t let it get back to him. He already thinks he’s related to Gandhi, Jesus and Martin Luther and unfortunately has ways of proving it. The first time was The Pink Road.
Families have their tales that define them and ours is the Pink Road Story. Early in our marriage Gregg & I were traveling in Indiana, me driving and him shot-gunning. I asked for directions. He consulted the map. Said keep going on I-whatever until you hit the pink road.
I, being a reasonable soul said, “WTF?”
He said “Turn on the pink road,” and showed me the map.
After narrowly avoiding a truck, I pushed the map out of my face and darted a look. The map, as maps do, had different kinds of lines representing the roads, some bold black, some dashed, some in color. He was pointing to a pink line.
I scoffed. “It’s a map, a representation. The road’s not really pink.” Talk about the obvious!
Except…yes, ladies and gentlemen, to my shock just a few miles later the road turned pink. (Cue the chittering violins.) My jaw dropped and I stuttered, “It…it’s pink.” My husband simply smiled but of course has never let me forget that day.
However, back to his awesomeness. He’s a true performer in that he not only plays wonderfully, he plays even better with an audience. He’s also my first reader and evil plotting buddy, head of research and both chief author-get-over-yourselfer and author-bad-day-hugger. Oh, and he is a computer hardware and networking guru. If it has flashing lights and plugs into the wall he can fix it.
Keith’s Second Hardball Question: “Hide-your-eyes-violence,” “horrendously bad puns,” “fortifying things against rogue vampires?” I think you had me at the word violence, but I’m equally fascinated by bad puns. And we won’t even talk about rogue vampires or I’ll be blabbering on all night.
So why write about computer geeks? What do they bring to the table that classic characters such as Regency spinsters and Kick Ass Tattoo Sportin’ Leather Pants Heroines do not?
Mary Hughes: Ooh, good question. While I’m all over ass-kicking leather-panted Regency spinsters, Liese can use swears like “bend me over and spank me with a netbook”. She can carry batteries and motherboards in her purse without having to seek 12-step intervention. And she can keep up with Logan, CEO of an electronic security firm.
Oh, and I can sneak in my computer, science fiction and physics jokes, like “I’d probably suffer through a marathon of odd-numbered Star Trek movies to see [Logan] one last time. What an ID-10-T I was.”
Aw, come on. That deserved at least a courtesy chuckle.
<Keith Inserts Laugh Track Here>
Keith: Vampires. Should they sparkle? Should they only sparkle if they’re being shot with lasers?
Mary Hughes: YES and can I hold the laser?!
Horrible admission: I read Twilight, and actually I liked it. A bit angsty, but fun to put myself back in those overweight everything’s-SOOO-vitally-important teen years.
Keith: As a musician used to working with meter and rhythm, do you feel this experience helps when constructing your prose? Do you also focus on the rhythm of the words on the page?
Mary Hughes: There once was a man from Nantucket…excuse me. Yes, in a way. Much like my Nixie character I rely heavily on hearing. I don’t write words on a page, I hear them in my brain and then they pour out through my fingers. I don’t think specifically about rhythm and meter but I’ll usually “hear” it if it’s off.
Keith Ryu: You taught Taekwondo while working undercover in the Insurance Industry? (I must admit that is pretty awesome) Did you compete in tournaments? Does martial arts ever play a role in your books? Will you soon be writing about vampire ninjas? Do you find that taekwondo helped you rise up the ladder in the insurance industry? Were your feet actually insured as deadly weapons or is that just an Internet rumor? The glass ceiling…dragon punch through or jumping side kick?
Mary Hughes: I did compete, taught, and even judged in Junior Nationals one year, although it’s been a while. I think my training informs my fight scenes (although the TKD-type word choices sometimes flummoxed my editor. How do I explain heel-hand in the middle of terse action? So I switched that to heel of the hand but it always felt awkward).
Dragon punch ala Street Fighter? The dragon punch is awesome and I can even do a mean flying sidekick, but personally I’m all over the dragon bitch-slap. Or the Vulcan ear flick.
Keith: You seem to have studied religion. It just so happens that Alisha Rai and the writing team of Bree/Donna aka Moira Rogers are involved in a sinister cult. Any quick tips I can use to free their minds? How can I start a religion involving Taekwondo?
Mary Hughes: As it happens I was 1/3 of the way to a masters in theology, so I know the only way to free Bree and Donna is to read them extensive tracts of James Fenimore Cooper. Alternately you can Clockwork-Orange their eyes to all seven seasons of Buffy, but that takes longer.
Keith le Grand Inquisitor: I read that you’re a plot pantser. Does this ever lead to roadblocks and frustration, or do the stories always flow naturally when you write?
Mary Hughes: The only time I have slow-downs is when I actually have a plot, see question 2 above.
Keith: Where do you see yourself in five years? (Provided you continue to escape the mad cows, tornadoes, and Waffle Houses in the nebulous and ill-defined center of the country).
Mary Hughes: When global warming melts the polar ice caps I’m going to throw away the snow shovel and sit on the shores of Lake Midwest, sipping pina coladas.
Keith: Since you’re a computer person I have a pure technical question to ask. Bree deludes herself that robots will take over the world. I have a hard time believing her, since my operating system is Windows Vista, and Vista couldn’t take over a soggy piece of bread if it were a mold spore on a humid day.
So my question: Robot Apocalypse? Or do we all die from carpel tunnel syndrome in 2012.
Mary Hughes: Hey, everybody knows robots have to obey Asimov’s three laws. Besides, they’re only as smart as their creators. So yeah, not worried.
Keith’s Lazy Question: What did you always want to be asked about in an interview that you’ve never been asked before? Feel free to answer that question here.
Mary Hughes: We’re out of the house Wednesdays between 5 and 9. My valuables are stored in the shoebox in the bottom dresser drawer under the afghan my mother-in-law crocheted.
<Keith Inserts Pause for Note Taking> (Aside: If anyone knows what an “afghan” is or what this “crocheted” term means, please email me ASAP, thanks.)
Keith’s Rapid Fire Questions:
1.) Favorite musical artists and/or genres of music?
Mary Hughes: Renaissance dances. DragonForce. The Chicago-effing Symphony rules! Wind bands. Celtic-rock bands.
2.) Food you hate most? (If it’s not Jell-O, skip this question.)
Mary Hughes: Cosmic coincidence! In a scene I wrote a week before this interview the LLAMA ladies had branched out from cheese balls to green gelatin with evil stuff floating in it. How can you not hate evil (little curling finger-gestures) gelatin? It’s un-American.
3.) Would you rather go to outer space or deep under the ocean?
Mary Hughes: Space. It’s bigger. And I keep hearing William Shatner’s voice telling me to do it. Yes, master…
Keith: Did you notice how I love to hear myself ask questions? Hell, I just love to hear myself talk. Honestly, on a scale of one to ten, how annoying is that?
Mary Hughes: The Ukrainian judge gives it a 5.5, but he doesn’t understand English.
Keith: Then it’s all style points for me! EVEN BETTER! Onward…
Keith cont.: As a crafter of stories, is plot more important to you or character development? Or some mixture/ratio of both?
Mary Hughes: They’re both important but character development is my strength. Plot is… An Opportunity. A chance to learn, to grow… Sense a theme here?
Keith: Do you write music?
Mary Hughes: Yes! I wrote the trailer music. I also did a children’s concert piece for orchestra and seven tons of church music, and one church ditty which my pastor (at the time) took to Russia so I’m actually an Internationally-Distributed Composer ☺.
Keith’s Last Question: The Future of Publishing—does it look bright, or does it come to an end alongside everything else in 2012?
Mary Hughes: You and the rest of the Ninjas are in it. How can it not be bright?
(So what that the Mayan calendar ends in 2012? That just means they were going to go out and buy a new one. Probably one with kittens.)
(Keith le Interview Editor: Disclaimer. Mary Hughes was not paid by this blog with cheese balls or any other type of currency and/or barter to say the previous statements. It is the Official Opinion of the editorial staff that the Scribbling Ninjas will most likely be part of the problem in 2012 and not part of the solution.
~*~
My sincere thanks to Mary Hughes for tolerating us here at Scribbling Ninjas. Now go buy her book and revel in the ambrosia of vampires and computer geeks! I’m including a buy link and blurb right after I list all the new things I learned today.
What Keith Learned:
1. Gelatin desserts are Un-American
2. Mary’s husband is secretly awesome but can’t be told of this condition and he also knows about the pink roads
3. There are Plot Fairies but they should be Killed On Sight
4. HTML doesn’t actually recognize <rant> </rant>
5. Texas has 7-Elevens
6. The Midwest has a Royal Caribbean Cruise line AND there are Hot Pockets.
7. Netbooks have a spanking utility
8. Bonus points for limericks!
9. Mary Hughes developed advanced fighting techniques such as the dreaded Dragon Bitch-Slap and the Vulcan Ear-Flick
10. The Mayan Calendar is so grim because it has no pictures of kittens.
BLURB: Biting Me Softly by Mary Hughes
He’s a candy box of sex appeal wrapped with a golden bow. She’s on a diet.
Blood, sex, violence. Blood, okay, but computer geek Liese Schmetterling had enough S&V when her cheating ex fired her. Now security expert—and lip-smacking gorgeous—Logan Steel saunters into her Blood Center, setting fire to her libido. And threatening her job.
Visions of pink slips dancing in her head, Liese tries to push Logan away without touching his jutting pecs…or ridged abs. Or petting the Vesuvius in his jeans. He’s hiding something, but it doesn’t seem to matter when his smiles stun her, his kisses crank her to broiling and his bites rocket her to heaven. Fangy bites which, if she weren’t grounded in science, would make her think ampire-Vay.
Centuries old and tragedy-scarred, Logan’s mission is to fortify the Blood Center’s electronic defenses against his nemesis, the leader of a rogue vampire gang. He’s ready for battle but not for Liese, who slips under his skin, laughs at his awful puns, charges beside him into dark, scary places—and tastes like his true love.
No matter how often Logan declares his love, Liese can’t bring herself to trust him. But when his archenemy comes after her, not trusting him may cost her life…
Warning: contains explicit vampire sex involving absurdly large male equipment (hey, they’re monsters), unbelievable stamina (just how long can he stay underwater in a hot tub?), hide-your-eyes violence and horrendously bad puns. And, just when you think it can’t get any worse, a computer geekette trying to play Mata Hari.
little thing it has…
Comments